THE "G" WORD

A few years ago, my writing partner and I pitched a show to the networks called "The G Word." It was basically about the new generation of grandparents who, well, weren't exactly the warm, fuzzy gray-haired definition we had grown up with. They were more of the face-lifted, over socially scheduled, ombre hair colored variety. We were met with blank stares from the young twentysomething newly appointed TV execs who just "didn't get it" and wondered who would want to watch older people on TV. Thus, that idea went where far too many other good ones reside--my old desktop Mac. But the G-Words in my life just keep on giving when it comes to material so I can't let it die. This brings me to the best part of blogging--I no longer need a clueless exec's permission to present you (the much smarter and savier audience than anyone ever gives you credit for) with my musings and observations. So here goes...

I always knew there would come a time when the roles begin to shift in the child/parent relationship. My Dad passed away years ago but I was prepared that as my mom got older, I would have to take on more of a parenting role. I figured much further down the road, my sister and I would organically become more of the caretakers. I pictured being an advocate, a nurse, a sort of aid to her at some point. But that's not what's going down. I've already become the parent--the voice of reason and caution and...dating advice. My mom? She's the teenager. And this is not an anomaly. It's becoming the norm. Most of my friends have parents who are either divorced, widowed or in second marriages. Some of them have lost money along the way and are having to learn to budget their lives the way a college graduate figures it out in that first year of sorta independence. The stability of Grandma and Grandpa quietly sitting in their paid-off home ready to offer words of wisdom or, well, even help with the babysitting is disappearing faster than your latest Snapchat. They are way too busy. Going back to work. Going out. Going online. Put it this way, the Zeke and Millie Bravermans of the world are an endangered species. Even they sold the family home and moved to the city!

Let's start with their relationships because those are way complicated. If you thought Carrie Bradshaw had it tough in Sex and the City, you've never seen over-sixty and single in the suburbs. It's all about online dating and let me tell you, it's ruthless, dirty and absolutely nothing you want to ever hear your mom or dad speak of but unfortunately the only thing they want to talk about. I get that being older allows you to skip the games and go for honesty but the profiles some of these G-worders put up could make even Samantha blush. They talk graphically about all of their wants, needs and desires. I find myself lecturing my mom on why she absolutely may not respond to this guy or that guy. I now give the "self-worth" speech to both my mom and my 8 year-old. I am constantly reminding Mom to meet in public places and never give her phone number or address out. Then there's the finances. Unlike college where breakups and hookups leave you with his sweatshirt or her toaster, there are assets and retirement plans. But the G-Worders are comingling and cohabitating without communicating with each other or their kids on this subject. A few of my friends have had to call meetings with thier parents and intended ones to make sure everyone was being careful. My almost teenage son is about to start dating and I'm already exhausted thanks to my senior citizen mom (who--full disclaimer--is not old and looks young in case anyone, mostly her, was wondering!)

Then there's the problem of putting technology in the hands of Grandparents 2.0 which I've already opined on in previous posts. Grandparents are worse than teens for two reasons. They have more hours in the day (without school getting in the way) and they don't really know how to use it. So, in addition to the numerous discussions, er fights, about social media boundaries and etiquitte, there are the annoying tutorial phone calls. The Facetime attempts where they just can't seem to get a picture. The voicemail asking if she should start "twitting?" The panic that sets in when the screen freezes. Should he go to the AT&T store? Nevermind that he has T Mobile. A few weeks ago, I was up early and didn't want to call and wake my mom but needed to give her directions. I texted her instead so that she would have them when she woke up. A minute later my phone rings. My text woke her up. Why? Because she keeps the phone right next to her bed with the alert sounds on. I think it's time for some technology rules. Maye she needs a technology basket for nighttime. However, I fear, unlike my son, she won't be able to part with her iPhone at night and really she's not afraid of me.

The good news is that this booming generation is living longer and healthier than ever before allowing for much fuller lives in the 60s, 70s and 80s. They are always cruising (both the seas and the scene), taking in shows and trying out whatever cuisine is trending. The bad news is that having such a full life doesn't allow much time for dance recitals, spring concerts or heaven forbid Saturday night babysitting. When my daughter calls my mom for plans, I have to remind my mom to let her down easy. My friend told me a great story about her Mom and Step-dad reccommending a new restaurant that they had been to with great detail about the magnificent wine list and savory small plates. "You must go," demanded her mom. When my friend replied that she would love to but it was expensive to get a Saturday night sitter, her mom insisted, "It's worth it!"

There's a new Nana in town and she looks a lot like that rebellious teenager down the hall. The only difference is that she does want to talk to you and tell you about everything. Yup, it's complicated.

P.S. If any new twentysomething execs do "get it," G-Word is registered with the WGA. You can pass on the idea but can't steal it.