Birds Do It. Bees Do It. When Can We?

April 01, 2009



Parenthood has changed a lot of things about our marriage. We never sleep late. Weekends tend to be busier than weekdays. And sex is hard to come by. With one child, we ultimately managed to figure out a way to bring sexy back at unscheduled times and fairly regularly. It took about a year of trial and error but we got it. With two kids, however, we can't seem to make it work. I've tried to talk to my close friends, to literally survey them about how and when they do the deed. My sister and best friend were totally game for the birds and the bees conversation but that's hardly a comprehensive sampling. With most other mom friends, when the subject comes up (brought up by me, of course), they seem uncomfortable having the talk. Thankfully, there's the internet. So, right here, right now, I'm hoping to start the conversation. Yup...let's talk about sex.

Do most busy moms and dads schedule it? Should we have a designated night for getting it on? It seems so suburban but I'm starting to feel it's necessary. On those nights, I would know not to pick at the kids macaroni and cheese leaving myself feeling bloated and unattractive. I wouldn't stay in my workout clothes all day without showering and I wouldn't leave to-be-folded-laundry all over the bed. I wouldn't check Facebook or start a blog. And most important, I wouldn't fall asleep on my son's bed before my husband gets home.

What about morning sex? Is that over for the next ten years? My six-year-old still wakes up at 6 am despite the hundreds of well-intentioned moms over the years who promised that would change when he a)stopped drinking a bottle, b)turned two, c)got rid of his nap or d)started preschool. We had a brief window of morning sex revisited thanks to Tivo. My son would go downstairs and stay there for as long as we wanted. But wouldn't you know it, my daughter is just not all that interested in the tube. She likes it in small doses--very small doses. We've learned to be quick but not that quick.

We do have Saturday date night but it's already pushing it staying up so late. I notoriously need my sleep. I'm usually down for the count on the car ride home and barely manage to climb up the stairs to our bed which is undoubtedly covered in light sabers and Dora books--remnants from the kids "movie night." That's hot!

I would love to meet up with my husband for a nooner but sadly he works too far from our home so that's out. We have no problem hiring babysitters for the purpose of us having sex but where are we supposed to go? I'm a little old for the backseat which, by the way, is filled with Star Wars books and cookie crumbs. Once in awhile, the grandparents take them for the day. That's a no brainer but unfortunately it is truly only once in awhile.

I love my husband. I desire my husband. I want to have sex with my husband. But is it possible to have sex when we both want to instead of when we can fit it in (we actually set the alarm for 3 am last week)? I'm beginning to think not.