December 01, 2009
Twilight-new-moon-teaser-movie-poster My name is Amanda and I have a confession. I am so completely not a Twilighter. I have tried and failed to be a Twihard. I simply don't get it.
This is particularly strange coming from me as it is well known by my friends, families and acquaintances that I am a forever fifteen-year-old soul trapped in a thirtysomething's body. I can recite the pilot of Dawson's Creek verbatim, I have a season pass to anything and everything Zac Efron on my Tivo at all time. I am instantly sucked into any Freddie Prinze, Jr. movie that happens to be on cable and I am counting down the minutes until Diablo Cody's Sweet Valley High hits the big screen. I heart romantic comedies. I regularly read young adult literature (props to you Harry and Hermione) and I can't stop the waterworks when it comes to anything involving first love especially if Nicholas Sparks has anything to do with it (the cheesier, the better). I am a natural to fall for Twilight--it would seem.
When I first heard about the books, I immediately wanted in on the obsession. But a few chapters in and I felt like the girl in that song from the musical A Chorus Line--I felt nothing, simply nothing. The writing was so boring and uninspired. I figured I must just be jealous of the 35-year-old mom who had become a superstar writer. I didn't want envy to deprive me of a guilty pleasure so I forged ahead, forcing myself to finish. It took me about a week (which is six more days than it usually takes me to get through a solid read) but I finally reached the last page. It started okay for me. I mean, I got the beginning--the ultimate forbidden love. The fish-out-of-water story of the new girl in school with the drop-dead gorgeous, souless-but-oh-so-soulful misfit. I love all that crap but I can find that crap in much better stories written with much more passion and energy. I was not falling for these characters or this story. I absolutely could put the book down.
Despite the unbelievable casting of ethereal-looking Robert Pattinson as Edward, I decided against seeing the first movie. I didn't read the other books and I moved on with my life just fine. But, alas, the hoopla is again upon us and as a pop-culture junkie, I have truly been feeling left out. So I decided to give the saga a second look. Last night, I saw New Moon. Let me rephrase that. Last night, I suffered through New Moon. It was terrible, completely campy in an unintended, not funny kind of way. The acting sucked (please stop fretting, Bella). The writing was awful. The music was painful (toss up between Lifetime movie and vintage soap opera) and even the directing (by Chris Weitz who is usually fantastic) was totall off. I felt like I was watching a very long, one note Saturday Night Live sketch. The only redeeming part was when Edward literally glistened on screen. But unfortunately, due to the nature of the plot, Edward is a no-show for most of the film. I sat in the theater dumbfounded. This movie made how much money? This Kristen Steward girl fancies herself a thespian? What is going on?
It's unnerving that my pop culture radar could be this far off? Even when I don't get the craze (ie Miley Cyrus), I get why it works. Maybe I have to face the fact that my age is catching up with me. Maybe it's the mom in me that doesn't really want a movie about a girl who goes into a deep depression when she's not with her boyfriend to be so resonating with teens. Or maybe it's the writer in me that just can't accept mediocrity in her girl meets vampire/girl falls in love with vampire stories. I mean, Joss Whedon did it so much better, so much smarter and so much cooler with his Buffy, the Vampire Slayer long before Edward and Bella came forest frolicking along. Whedon's Buffy wasn't waiting to be rescued. She wasn't pouting. She was spewing one-liners and shoving stakes through the entire Hellmouth population. Buffy was fierce, dangerous and witty. Her vamp in shining armor was brooding, misunderstood, dangerous but also clever and even funny. Most notably, Angel was just as afraid of Buffy as she was of him. Oh and the chemistry between the two was tangible. You could literally feel the longing through the TV.
I guess it is my age. Not that I'm too old to appreciate teen angst. Never! Just that I've lived long enough to see it done better. I realize I am a lone voice in a world of mad Twilighters. Bring on the haters then because, Edward and Bella, I knew the slayer and her blood-sucking boyfriend and you two are no Buffy and Angel.
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