September 11, 2008
I have had a tough week. My oldest started kindergarten and my youngest started pre-school. Sarah Palin has had a tough week too. She started officially campaigning. It would seem that these two events are completely unrelated. Think again.
Governor Palin's week has been filled with the same gossip, judgements and cattiness as mine has. And all the nastiness is coming from mothers directed at other mothers. They are taking to talk radio air waves to criticize Palin's motherhood choices (more on that in a minute). They are congregating at Starbucks, the school parking lot and at PTA meetings to discuss (actually rip apart) mommy peers.
We all know about the mommy wars when it comes to working versus stay-at-home moms but now it seems there are emerging troops picking fresh battles in a war that will undoubtedly last longer than the U.S. and Iraq. Just this week, I've witnessed matches between the private school moms versus the public. The we-believe-in-holding-our-child-back-a-year versus the we-made-the-birthday-cut-off moms. The my-child-needs-a-more-academic-teacher versus the my-child-needs-an-out-of-the-box creative environment. And the list goes on. I listen to all of this (and yes even sometimes participate) and can't believe that we are women. You don't hear men blasting each other like this. Unless another dad is a deadbeat or abuser, my husband doesn't care to or see a need to judge. Why do mothers? Women are supposed to be nurturing. As moms, we all know how hard choices regarding our children can be. We know how hard all the juggling is on a daily basis. So why are we so quick to judge other moms who do things differently than us with the vengeance of a back-stabbing high-schooler? Do we need to make others feel small or wrong so we can feel better about ourselves and our personal choices?
All this brings me to Sarah Palin because while I was huddled in the school courtyard right smack in the middle of a mommy point/counterpoint, the VP nominee was the point/counterpoint, the "hot topic" all over America. This is not a political blog. I don't care if you hate Palin's record and opinions on the issues or not. She's running for VP of the United States of America and all of that is fair game. I also think it's fair to discuss her family in terms of how it relates to her stance on abortion and sex-education as these are relevant domestic issues. But, come on, do we really have to devote hourly satellite radio broadcasts as to whether or not running for VP is too big of a job for a mom of five children to have? Is it necessary for us to pass judgment on her choice to work and care for a down-syndrome child? Having been blessed with two healthy children, I know that I don't know what it's like to have a disabled child. I also don't know what kind of childcare she has. I have no idea how the governor and her husband split parental duties so how can I judge her as a mother? I can absolutely judge her as a candidate. She has put herself out there for that. But as a mother? I don't know her.
As women, we have fought for so long to be treated equally and fairly. However, I don't know any women who have questioned the toll taken on Barack Obama's young children who have unquestionably spent very little time with their father as of late. Why are we such critics of our own gender? There has been much talk about feminism lately in the media and even on this blog. I've always thought that the strong women who came before me fought for a woman's right to choose, that is, to have choices to choose from. Now that there are available so many wonderfully exciting and plentiful choices, isn't it my right to choose the one that works for me--not my neighbor, not my sister and not my elected officials?
I applaud women for having their own unique approaches to motherhood and I am open to hearing the triumphs and failures of each individual journey but I think we need to be careful about judging from afar and about cutting other moms down as they rise up whether it's the mom at your school who just took a promotion that will have her traveling more or the first female Republican Vice Presidential nominee. Whether you are a soccer mom, a hockey mom or any other kind of mom...let's respect each other as women (that doesn't mean voting for a woman because she's a woman). Let's act more like mature moms rather than mean girls. Remember, our daughters are watching us.
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